So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize