did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
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The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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