she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize