i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
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So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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