he puts the penis in happiness.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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