I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Let's get the cat blown out
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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