i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
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I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
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I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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