Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
did i walk over a car last night?
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Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
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I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize