At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
whose parrot is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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