you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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