were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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