and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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