Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
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you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
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