wat bout pragnant strippers??
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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