first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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