no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
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So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
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My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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