Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize