he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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