I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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