Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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