Betty ford says i'm here all night
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize