Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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