I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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