He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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