How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This girl is more easily done than said...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
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Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
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so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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