Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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