I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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