one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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