Only a mothe r could love this liver
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
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i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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