I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
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Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
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We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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