Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
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so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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