Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
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Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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