dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
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He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
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Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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