just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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