yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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