All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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