God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
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On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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