THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
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This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
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Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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