I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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