Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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