fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize