I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
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I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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