he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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