Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize