Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
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i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
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Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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