it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize