my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize