fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize