I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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