so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
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I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
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But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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