I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
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you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
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I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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