Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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