I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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